Feeling is Dealing and Dealing is Healing
"There's a very real possibility I'll have to close the shop next year..."
For those of you who missed my very raw & unfiltered Facebook LIVE video in my private group last night, here's the scoop:
Like most everyone in the world, the past few months have been very difficult. When I was making my business plans for my shop, I failed to include global pandemic and government shutdowns. My bad.
Every business around me on Magazine Street has closed. I was the only one left standing. I found myself wondering, "Am I next?"
My landlord has been somewhat understanding, but his expectations are highly unrealistic. Yet, as a business person, business is business. I do not blame him for asking for his money!
But the rent is only a fraction of the monthly operational expenses that is unsustainable at this time.
Unless the economy makes a drastic 180 degree turn, there's a very real possibility I'll have to close the shop next year.
A Little History 📖
One of the reasons this was a hard pill to swallow is because of the long journey I traveled to reach this point.
For those who know my personal story are aware I had a highly toxic and dysfunctional relationship with my mother. We did not speak for nearly 7 years until last year.
During the time of our reconciliation, she offered to help me open my first brick-and-mortar store. Gratefully, I accepted as I felt co-creating something together would be highly beneficial to healing our severed relationship.
Both my parents physically helped with the build out of the shop. They donated a lot of furnishings and offered much appreciated support along the way.
In the months leading up to the store's opening, I launched my own version of a "kick starter" campaign by offering my audience discounted gift cards to help with the expenses of the build.
Acceptance 🙏
With so much support from my family, friends and customers, the thought of having to close the store was too heavy to carry.
Talking with my parents brought much needed comfort. To me, the store was a physical symbol of our healing and reconciliation. The thought of having to close a place that brought new meaning to the highly-valued relationship with my family was devastating.
I could not help but feel like a failure, even though I knew none of this was my "fault."
My mother was quick to explain that we can create new meaningful places in the future, when the economy makes a come-back. She painted a beautiful picture of a future where we co-created together again. The light in her eyes as she made genuine attempts to uplift me was contagious and I felt even more comfort from her than I had in decades. She is still fulfilling her role as my mother after all these years of separation with sincere love, optimism and determination. She expressed herself to me in a way I had not seen before, or at least not in a very long time.
My husband, although frustrated by the whole situation, also expressed his optimism for making another attempt in the future. Or perhaps, this would lead me in a new direction I had not thought before. He reassured his faith and belief in me, and even chuckled at me one night for thinking there was something wrong with me for feeling so upset.
He reminded me that it's okay to be sad disappointed and upset. I've been coaching clients for so long about dealing with feelings, I forgot to honor my own.
As this realization set in and the days passed, I began to feel a little better. I have become unattached to either outcome - closing or staying open. Even the "worst case scenario" of having to close the store and go back to being online isn't terrible! I had to remind myself that this was not a "bad" thing. Ultimately, I am the one who decides for myself what is good or bad and if I choose label this as a bad experience, so shall it be for me.
Leaning On Others 👯♀️
Still, I felt I needed a coach or some therapy to get through this. Although I have been successful in overcoming many challenges on my own, I thought it would be a good idea to reach out to someone and try something new.
Christi Nissen showed up to my New Moon Wellness Intention party this summer and introduced herself as a long-time customer of mine and a triple-certified hypnotherapist. I was intrigued! We chatted briefly, but did not have a chance to really have an in-depth conversation about our metaphysical background and interests.
Her card had resurfaced in my desk drawer and I felt she might just be able to help me to better understand my own feelings from a subconscious level. I thought I was a champion of overcoming obstacles and now, I felt stuck. Sometimes we need a coach, someone outside of ourselves, to assist us in navigating our subconscious mind to be objective.
Hypnotherapy 💫
As I sent her an email I wondered what could come about. Will I be able to feel like my old self again? Why was I having such a hard time dealing with these circumstances?
To make a long story short, we held my session at the shop. I experienced a release of emotions I thought I had already released before, but this time it was different.
The imagination is too often underestimated.
Christi is like a painting instructor asking you to use your own colors and tools to paint your own version of past events and create new ones. Her guidance and powerful imagery truly helped me understand where the root cause of these feelings really came from. I had to face them directly. I could not hide. There I confronted the roots of the anxiety and stress I had been experiencing.
The transformation in mind-set since my session has been remarkable. I am finally waking up feeling light instead of heavy, optimistic instead of concerned, and grateful instead of dreadful.
Divine Collaboration ☄️
Christi and I spoke for several hours the following day about how I was feeling. My energy really spoke for itself. That's how I knew I was coming out of the dark cave because my energy levels felt higher than they had been in quite some time.
Not knowing how long the store will stay open has made daily life more precious for me. Similar to the saying "we could die tomorrow," this knowing has actually become the way in which I cope with the situation. I have to, I MUST, truly enjoy every single moment I have left of this store being open. And as a result, I'm going to make the very best of this time.
I mentioned to Christi that if she ever wanted to put on a hypnotherapy event at the shop she was more than welcome to because I felt this therapy was so effective in helping me overcome my own anxiety this needed to be shared with the world. Her immediate reaction was that of elation and her mind went into overdrive as she vocalized and described how perfect my space was to hold her events.
Needless to say, we spent the rest of that afternoon planning our first collaboration event. She even joined the 👑 Krewe membership program and purchased a Queen of Hearts 💕 necklace because of the symbolism of self-love it represented.
Conclusion
The truth is, I do not know what is going to happen. The presidential elections may or may not have a huge impact on the economy. I would think it would, but who really knows? The virus-that-shall-not-be-named is also playing a role. All factors way beyond my control.
My successes in past years can not declare me a failure in this year because I did not do the same or "better." What is better? How about being grateful for what you've accomplished. Period?!
I had to realize I needed to stop pushing myself so hard to try to repeat my successes in the past. This was the underlying root cause of my stress and anxiety, and the fear of not being good enough - a recurring theme of my life.
Money & revenue are not factors in my self-worth and self-value. I had to stop seeing myself as a business, a sole-proprietor and start looking at my own reflection with the unconditional love I deserve to give myself.
I need to slow down and spend more time taking care of me instead of trying to produce the same amount of new designs and attain the same amount of social media growth as previous years.
When I wake up in the mornings, I will no longer ask what can I do for my business to generate more sales, I will ask what can I do for myself so that I can continue to serve others.
You have your own challenges and struggles to deal with, and I only allowed myself to become vulnerable and share my story with you for no other reason than to inspire, encourage and empower you to be strong. Tap into your greatest power source, your Divinity, a power-source of infinite love and energy to carry on.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. Your comments are welcome.
A huge thank you to Sol Lopez, my phenomenal store manager, for your loyalty, commitment and determination throughout this journey with me. Thank you to my mom & dad, for being there for me, for your unconditional love and support. Thank you to my husband, for being my rock and elevating me. Thank you to all my Krewe members - thank you does not feel like enough, but I sincerely hope your wonderful benefits speak for themselves.
Much love to you all and I hope to see some of you at the Anxiety Transforming Group Hypnotherapy Event on Saturday, November 21st.
Please see details below.
Ways You Can Help
Since I went LIVE in my private FB group last night, I've received both private and public messages asking what are the different ways you can help.
Join The Krewe 👑
If you can afford $13.33 to $15/mo, joining the Krewe would be a HUGE, HUGE help for us. Your contribution will go towards operational expenses. To put things into perspective, I pay nearly $10k/year in insurance alone to protect against theft, robberies, business interruption, fire, floods, etc. Running a small business isn't cheap! But it is worth it 💜
Click here to learn more about the full Krewe membership benefits and how to sign up!
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